Imagine — maybe you don’t have to — you’re Canadian. You’re at a dinner party, and the host has put out a bowl of the best snack you’ve ever had. Love at first bite, and it’s going fast. Soon enough, your fingers graze the bottom of the bowl and you realize that the end is nigh. You master your panic.
"Host,” you chime. “Who makes these chocolate caramel peanut butter mango pretzel chip things?” You wait with bated breath and weird, crumb-covered lips.
“Trader Joes,” he replies, and your heart shatters. This dinner party is in Vancouver. A trip to the nearest Trader Joe’s in Bellingham, Washington costs hours in travel, and in line waits both at the border and in the crowded store. Just thinking about it causes the snack, once so sweet and savory, to turn acrid on your tongue.
Your host notices your grimace and chuckles. “Chill dude,” he says, with smiling eyes. “I bought these in Vancouver. You can too.”
Your mind wrestles with the information, “There’s a Trader Joe’s in Vancouver, now?”
“No, there’s a Pirate Joe’s in Vancouver.”
What unfolds then is a tale of entrepreneurship, adventure, legal turmoil, and something called “the grey market.”…
(Long story short: The FCC is about to make a critical decision as to whether or not internet service providers have to treat all traffic equally. If they choose wrong, then the internet where anyone can start a website for any reason at all, the internet that’s been so momentous, funny, weird, and surprising—that internet could cease to exist. Here’s your chance to preserve a beautiful thing.)
I’m not the one to call up a senator’s office to complain about something, but had to make an except for this. Thankfully the official representing my state is Kirsten Gillibrand - a rare politician who posses admirable traits. (Shocking, I know.)
The symmetry of clocks lulls us into believing that time is a fixed commodity, but studies indicate that’s not the way it’s experienced. Time speeds up as we age. And the older you get, the more quickly it appears to vanish.
Editor’s note: Speaking from experience — the only way to slow down time is to break routine of every day life and create new memories. It forces the brain work harder to fit the new experiences into a pattern it can’t find; it trips up the “time-compression algorithm” of an adult brain, giving us an expended sense of time. This is most effective when packing as many unscheduled events as possible in a short stretch of time.
Easier said than done (creating new memories becomes harder as you grow old; fewer and fewer things will seem truly ‘new’…) but there you have it: the secret to slowing down time in your busy adult life.